Oh, for the love of sentences!

[sekiharatae]

I remember this happening before, with RK.  I'd write something I absolutely adored, and then -- after messing around with the surrounding paragraph -- find it really didn't work.  So I'd put it aside (I actually had a whole file of these things) for later.  And never use it.

Consider the following: 

Tifa thought he was gorgeous like that:   shirt open, pants rakishly unfastened and gaping, eyes heavy lidded and hot.

Isn't that lovely?  <pets the pretty words>  I want a picture of that now.

Of course, at present Tifa is asleep, and dreaming, and can't really see him; and he's real and awake and actually does look like that.  Wondering if I can slip it by as being "in her mind's eye"... I mean, she's kind of dreaming something that's actually happening at the same time.  And we picture things when we're dreaming, so maybe she's just that good.  But my beta is on the East coast, while I'm on the West, so I can't really ask what she thinks

<sighs, pokes sentence morosely>

Oh, and I like this bit from the disturbing, angsty, I'm a bit freaked this came from my brain fic I wrote this weekend.  

"Are you satisfied now?" he demanded through clenched teeth. "Have you had enough? I’m close enough to a SOLDIER to last all night, so by all means enjoy yourself. Use me. But what you have now is all you’ll be getting." He roughly shoved his hips against hers for emphasis.

 

Angsty, no?  Haven't posted it 'cause it's not my normal stuff (not waffy at all, and Tifa is very OOC ).  Will probably just scavenge bits for the "Tie Me Up, Buttercup" prompt on 30_lemons.

I do have something about 90% done now, though.   WordPerfect claims I'm already on page 6, too.  (Woot!)

Comments

[yuenmei.livejournal.com]

Ooh, lovely words indeed. I think Tifa could definitely be dreaming something that is really happening. I've done that before (though usually it doesn't last long before I wake up.)

And I a very curious about that little snippet!

[sekiharatae.livejournal.com]

That snippet fic is really dark. The first thing my beta said is that it's disturbing. Which I have to say, makes me feel kinda weird. I didn't know I could write disturbing. On the positive side, it's proof I can make bad things happen to characters I like, which is good, because novels and such get boring if nothing bad ever happens. There has to be some conflict or antagonist or something. I've never really managed to do it though -- actually have something bad happen. I mean... worst I've done is give Kenshin a really bad cold!

If you really want to read it, I can maybe be persuaded to message it to you. But you have to promise not to shy away from my crack-brained self after reading the scariness!

[yuenmei.livejournal.com]

I would love to read it! My e-mail is tanukibattousai(at)yahoo.com . I promise I won't shy away. I have an inner angst fan whom I generally keep locked up who I'm sure will delight.

Funny that you mentioned fever dreams, I just reread that the other day, and it was just as good as I remembered. You certainly made a bad cold mean high stakes!

[quoth-the-ravyn.livejournal.com]

*ponders* My knowledge of that world is limited to about an hour sitting behind a friends shoulder while he went through worlds... but I can honestly tell you it reads well. Really well. I think the idea of her seeing things while she is sleeping is very plausible.

Maybe finding someone willing to read through your stuff and offer plot comments instead of simply grammar would help?

I totally am not saying this because I noticed the hint for unseen RK things. Totally not...

[sekiharatae.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Sae is really an all-around sounding board. She tells me if something sounds weird plot wise, grammar wise, word-choice wise, etc. Which tickles me, because I was the one who did the grammar and word checking when she wrote papers in college. =) It's very hard to spot your own typos and stuff, though...

And LOL about the RK comment. Unfortunately, I've moved four times and changed computers twice since I wrote any RK fanfic. It's been so long that I had stuff on a ZIP disk, and neither my hubby nor I has a computer that can even read the thing anymore... and that's assuming I could find it. So all I have anymore are random ideas I jotted in emails. I have emails from 1998!