Oh, for the love of sentences!

[sekiharatae]

I remember this happening before, with RK.  I'd write something I absolutely adored, and then -- after messing around with the surrounding paragraph -- find it really didn't work.  So I'd put it aside (I actually had a whole file of these things) for later.  And never use it.

Consider the following: 

Tifa thought he was gorgeous like that:   shirt open, pants rakishly unfastened and gaping, eyes heavy lidded and hot.

Isn't that lovely?  <pets the pretty words>  I want a picture of that now.

Of course, at present Tifa is asleep, and dreaming, and can't really see him; and he's real and awake and actually does look like that.  Wondering if I can slip it by as being "in her mind's eye"... I mean, she's kind of dreaming something that's actually happening at the same time.  And we picture things when we're dreaming, so maybe she's just that good.  But my beta is on the East coast, while I'm on the West, so I can't really ask what she thinks

<sighs, pokes sentence morosely>

Oh, and I like this bit from the disturbing, angsty, I'm a bit freaked this came from my brain fic I wrote this weekend.  

"Are you satisfied now?" he demanded through clenched teeth. "Have you had enough? I’m close enough to a SOLDIER to last all night, so by all means enjoy yourself. Use me. But what you have now is all you’ll be getting." He roughly shoved his hips against hers for emphasis.

 

Angsty, no?  Haven't posted it 'cause it's not my normal stuff (not waffy at all, and Tifa is very OOC ).  Will probably just scavenge bits for the "Tie Me Up, Buttercup" prompt on 30_lemons.

I do have something about 90% done now, though.   WordPerfect claims I'm already on page 6, too.  (Woot!)

Comments

[sekiharatae.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Sae is really an all-around sounding board. She tells me if something sounds weird plot wise, grammar wise, word-choice wise, etc. Which tickles me, because I was the one who did the grammar and word checking when she wrote papers in college. =) It's very hard to spot your own typos and stuff, though...

And LOL about the RK comment. Unfortunately, I've moved four times and changed computers twice since I wrote any RK fanfic. It's been so long that I had stuff on a ZIP disk, and neither my hubby nor I has a computer that can even read the thing anymore... and that's assuming I could find it. So all I have anymore are random ideas I jotted in emails. I have emails from 1998!