![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Spoiled
Characters: Cloud/Tifa
Rating: T (characters talking about sex, but not in any detail)
Notes: For a request on the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ffvii_het_meme for a story involving books. This is borderline crack, and would probably have crossed the border never to return except Cloud had a bit of an anxiety attack in the middle, and that sobers things.
An answering smile teased the corner of Cloud’s mouth as he heard Tifa giggle. He was at his desk, going over receipts and expenses, and she was curled up on the bed with a book, keeping him company. For the most part she’d been quiet, but over the last few minutes she’d been making soft sounds of amusement at seemingly random intervals. When she gave up and burst out into open laughter, his curiosity got the better of him.
“What’s so funny?”
Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks pink. “This book Yuffie insisted I had to read.” The nosy little ninja had asked for details about their sex life, and when Tifa wouldn’t give them to her, she assumed it was because they didn’t have one. Her solution had been to force a handful of lurid romances on the exasperated bartender, telling her they were for ‘inspiration’.
From what she’d read so far, Tifa felt she should be the one giving tips to the author.
Cloud tilted his head to read the title, and she obligingly moved her fingers out of the way. The cover featured a dark-haired muscle man wielding a glowing sword in his right hand. His left arm was wrapped around a tiny, auburn-haired woman with too much chest and not enough blouse. Cloud's lips twitched and he arched his eyebrows. “Yuffie thinks Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion is a must-read?”
The question, posed in that bland tone of his, prompted Tifa to fall into another fit of giggles. “I don’t know if she thinks it’s a must-read in general, or just for me. She suggested it might be... educational.”
“Educational?” Cloud’s tone was skeptical, but he really wasn’t paying all that much attention. He’d turned back to the mess of papers on his desk, and was absorbed in figures and calculations.
“Yeah. She thought it might give me some ideas.” Tifa mentally slapped her forehead for not shutting up sooner, and waited somewhat anxiously to see if he’d press for more details. Don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask.
“Ideas?” he prompted, scribbling down numbers.
Out of the corner of his eye he watched her fidget, blush growing, before blowing her bangs out of her face with an abrupt, uncomfortable huff. “For things to do in bed. She thinks it’ll give me ideas for different ways we can... have sex.”
Cloud paused for a fraction of a second, then continued writing. “Oh.”
That’s it? That’s all he’s going to say? Tifa peered at his silhouette, and was fairly certain he was frowning. She’d thought he would tease her. “Cloud?”
“Yeah?”
All of the previous humor in his voice had vanished, his attention drawn inward, no longer focused on her or the papers in front of him. Concerned, she sat up and reached over to put her hand on his knee. His eyes immediately shifted to her face, and she could read worry there. “What are you thinking, Cloud Strife?”
He stared at her, expression carefully blank. There were so many ways he could answer that question: I’m thinking that Yuffie is far too interested in our sex life. I’m wondering why she thinks you need pointers on the subject. I’m worried there’s something you need, that I’m not giving you. I’m afraid that you’re unhappy. “What are you thinking? You’re the one reading the book.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, worrying her bottom lip, then sighed and flopped back down on the bed, accepting – for the moment – that he wasn’t going to answer her. “I think the author is confused, and that Yuffie probably is, too.”
He relaxed a bit at her answer, and turned to face her, one arm propped on the back of the chair, the other hand still resting on the desk, pen loosely held in his fingers. “How so?”
“First, the hero hardly touches the heroine except to remove her clothes. I guess that’s because when he did touch her, to hold her hand, she practically had a fit of ecstasy right on the spot.” Holding hands with the right person was nice, but she doubted anyone had ever climaxed from it. “Then when they, um...you know... do it, she’s absolutely thrilled, and carries on at length about how great he feels inside, even though she’s a virgin and he’s not doing it right.”
The tiniest glimmer of humor had rekindled in the depths of his eyes. “When they do it?” he asked, slightly teasing.
She groaned, and hid behind the open paperback. “Shush, Cloud!” her voice was muffled, but firm. “You know what I mean.”
Blond spikes cocked slowly to the side while he considered. “Do I?”
One brown eye peeped out from behind the cover. “Yes.” Tifa sighed, and shook her head back and forth on the pillow, shifting to hold the book open with a thumb as she propped herself up on an elbow. “I guess it was a good thing that she was so happy about him holding her hand, because when they actually had sex it was over almost before it started, and the guy fell asleep immediate– what?”
Cloud’s head was bowed and he was watching her from behind drowsy lids with a blatantly pleased and self-satisfied expression. He was also smiling, apparently no longer concerned with whatever had him worried before. “I think maybe your book has that aspect right, and you have it wrong.”
She blinked, then sat up to stare at him. “Cloud,” she said slowly, as if concerned he was having memory issues, “I know how long sex lasts.” Her tone made it clear that he should also know this, as it was an activity they did together. When his smile only grew she frowned. “How can you possibly think I don’t know what I’m talking about?” she asked. “The people in this book,” and she shook it at him for emphasis, “are doing it wrong.” Cloud made love to her for hours, and she was always considerably happier than the heroine from her novel when he finished.
“You, Tifa Lockhart,” he answered, reaching out to press his pointer finger to the tip of her nose teasingly, “are spoiled.” Which was the exact opposite of what he’d feared. Whatever was going on in Yuffie’s head to make her think Tifa needed bedroom advice, she was obviously under the wrong impression.
Tifa’s jaw dropped. “I am not!”
Ignoring her, Cloud turned to the stack of books on the floor in the corner and pulled out a rather ill-used booklet which he tossed in her lap. It was a recruitment pamphlet, emblazoned with the Shin-Ra logo and the title: What It Means to be SOLDIER. “There’s an entire section on what kind of changes recruits should expect following the treatments,” he told her, once more pouring over the list of expenses for Strife Delivery Service. “It may help clear up some misconceptions.”
“Cloud!” her voice was a strained squeak.
“What?” his was all innocence. “I thought you’d find it informative. You can lend it to Yuffie, later, if you’d like.”
This started out as a joke, but a bit of seriousness snuck in (sorry).
Romance novels really are full of misconceptions and stereotypes about sex. And I thought: what if Tifa had it backwards? A lot of the stereotypes are things that -- I admit -- are fun to write Cloud doing (that's probably why they're stereotypes in the first place: they're fun). He's also supposed to be enhanced, so we think nothing of him lasting forever and being able to go again in the blink of an eye. So... what if Tifa thought that was the norm? Then she would have the opposite reaction to more "realistic" sex scenes, where the guy doesn't last, or things aren't perfect from the get-go.
Characters: Cloud/Tifa
Rating: T (characters talking about sex, but not in any detail)
Notes: For a request on the
ffvii_het_meme for a story involving books. This is borderline crack, and would probably have crossed the border never to return except Cloud had a bit of an anxiety attack in the middle, and that sobers things.An answering smile teased the corner of Cloud’s mouth as he heard Tifa giggle. He was at his desk, going over receipts and expenses, and she was curled up on the bed with a book, keeping him company. For the most part she’d been quiet, but over the last few minutes she’d been making soft sounds of amusement at seemingly random intervals. When she gave up and burst out into open laughter, his curiosity got the better of him.
“What’s so funny?”
Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks pink. “This book Yuffie insisted I had to read.” The nosy little ninja had asked for details about their sex life, and when Tifa wouldn’t give them to her, she assumed it was because they didn’t have one. Her solution had been to force a handful of lurid romances on the exasperated bartender, telling her they were for ‘inspiration’.
From what she’d read so far, Tifa felt she should be the one giving tips to the author.
Cloud tilted his head to read the title, and she obligingly moved her fingers out of the way. The cover featured a dark-haired muscle man wielding a glowing sword in his right hand. His left arm was wrapped around a tiny, auburn-haired woman with too much chest and not enough blouse. Cloud's lips twitched and he arched his eyebrows. “Yuffie thinks Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion is a must-read?”
The question, posed in that bland tone of his, prompted Tifa to fall into another fit of giggles. “I don’t know if she thinks it’s a must-read in general, or just for me. She suggested it might be... educational.”
“Educational?” Cloud’s tone was skeptical, but he really wasn’t paying all that much attention. He’d turned back to the mess of papers on his desk, and was absorbed in figures and calculations.
“Yeah. She thought it might give me some ideas.” Tifa mentally slapped her forehead for not shutting up sooner, and waited somewhat anxiously to see if he’d press for more details. Don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t ask.
“Ideas?” he prompted, scribbling down numbers.
Out of the corner of his eye he watched her fidget, blush growing, before blowing her bangs out of her face with an abrupt, uncomfortable huff. “For things to do in bed. She thinks it’ll give me ideas for different ways we can... have sex.”
Cloud paused for a fraction of a second, then continued writing. “Oh.”
That’s it? That’s all he’s going to say? Tifa peered at his silhouette, and was fairly certain he was frowning. She’d thought he would tease her. “Cloud?”
“Yeah?”
All of the previous humor in his voice had vanished, his attention drawn inward, no longer focused on her or the papers in front of him. Concerned, she sat up and reached over to put her hand on his knee. His eyes immediately shifted to her face, and she could read worry there. “What are you thinking, Cloud Strife?”
He stared at her, expression carefully blank. There were so many ways he could answer that question: I’m thinking that Yuffie is far too interested in our sex life. I’m wondering why she thinks you need pointers on the subject. I’m worried there’s something you need, that I’m not giving you. I’m afraid that you’re unhappy. “What are you thinking? You’re the one reading the book.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, worrying her bottom lip, then sighed and flopped back down on the bed, accepting – for the moment – that he wasn’t going to answer her. “I think the author is confused, and that Yuffie probably is, too.”
He relaxed a bit at her answer, and turned to face her, one arm propped on the back of the chair, the other hand still resting on the desk, pen loosely held in his fingers. “How so?”
“First, the hero hardly touches the heroine except to remove her clothes. I guess that’s because when he did touch her, to hold her hand, she practically had a fit of ecstasy right on the spot.” Holding hands with the right person was nice, but she doubted anyone had ever climaxed from it. “Then when they, um...you know... do it, she’s absolutely thrilled, and carries on at length about how great he feels inside, even though she’s a virgin and he’s not doing it right.”
The tiniest glimmer of humor had rekindled in the depths of his eyes. “When they do it?” he asked, slightly teasing.
She groaned, and hid behind the open paperback. “Shush, Cloud!” her voice was muffled, but firm. “You know what I mean.”
Blond spikes cocked slowly to the side while he considered. “Do I?”
One brown eye peeped out from behind the cover. “Yes.” Tifa sighed, and shook her head back and forth on the pillow, shifting to hold the book open with a thumb as she propped herself up on an elbow. “I guess it was a good thing that she was so happy about him holding her hand, because when they actually had sex it was over almost before it started, and the guy fell asleep immediate– what?”
Cloud’s head was bowed and he was watching her from behind drowsy lids with a blatantly pleased and self-satisfied expression. He was also smiling, apparently no longer concerned with whatever had him worried before. “I think maybe your book has that aspect right, and you have it wrong.”
She blinked, then sat up to stare at him. “Cloud,” she said slowly, as if concerned he was having memory issues, “I know how long sex lasts.” Her tone made it clear that he should also know this, as it was an activity they did together. When his smile only grew she frowned. “How can you possibly think I don’t know what I’m talking about?” she asked. “The people in this book,” and she shook it at him for emphasis, “are doing it wrong.” Cloud made love to her for hours, and she was always considerably happier than the heroine from her novel when he finished.
“You, Tifa Lockhart,” he answered, reaching out to press his pointer finger to the tip of her nose teasingly, “are spoiled.” Which was the exact opposite of what he’d feared. Whatever was going on in Yuffie’s head to make her think Tifa needed bedroom advice, she was obviously under the wrong impression.
Tifa’s jaw dropped. “I am not!”
Ignoring her, Cloud turned to the stack of books on the floor in the corner and pulled out a rather ill-used booklet which he tossed in her lap. It was a recruitment pamphlet, emblazoned with the Shin-Ra logo and the title: What It Means to be SOLDIER. “There’s an entire section on what kind of changes recruits should expect following the treatments,” he told her, once more pouring over the list of expenses for Strife Delivery Service. “It may help clear up some misconceptions.”
“Cloud!” her voice was a strained squeak.
“What?” his was all innocence. “I thought you’d find it informative. You can lend it to Yuffie, later, if you’d like.”
This started out as a joke, but a bit of seriousness snuck in (sorry).
Romance novels really are full of misconceptions and stereotypes about sex. And I thought: what if Tifa had it backwards? A lot of the stereotypes are things that -- I admit -- are fun to write Cloud doing (that's probably why they're stereotypes in the first place: they're fun). He's also supposed to be enhanced, so we think nothing of him lasting forever and being able to go again in the blink of an eye. So... what if Tifa thought that was the norm? Then she would have the opposite reaction to more "realistic" sex scenes, where the guy doesn't last, or things aren't perfect from the get-go.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 05:31 am (UTC)From:But yes, romance novels are over dramatized but some are funny. (go Dark Hunters!)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:27 am (UTC)From:I lost interest in those after awhile, but I want to read the one about Acheron.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:44 am (UTC)From:Also... now I'm wondering how on earth a Shin-Ra pamphlet would even start to cover that, er, particular aspect of being in SOLDIER. Especially if it was a _recruitment_ pamphlet, where the goal (one assumes) would be to make being in SOLDIER sound extra-extra shiny and worthwhile....
JD
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:52 am (UTC)From:Due to the SOLDIER process, you will have increased stamina and endurance, both on and off the battlefield (wink wink nudge nudge).
Recovery time is negligible.
^.~
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:08 am (UTC)From:Now I'm also wondering what percentage of Cloud's smug is confirmation that he's the only, only one Tifa has ever had any experience with (not to mention profound thankfulness that she has not, in fact, been talking with Yuffie, or anybody else, about what "normal" is)
JD
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:16 am (UTC)From:I am confuzzled, JD. Why would he not want her to talk to Yuffie? Telling Yuffie that Cloud can go for hours would make him come out sounding FANTASTIC. I think he's counting on her giving that pamphlet to Yuffie, so she'll shut up about their sex life. ^.~
There may be a tiny bit of smug concerning Tifa's lack of experience. But mostly he's smug because he has spoiled her, and if she ever opens up to Yuffie or anyone else, she'll find out that the other ladies will be jealous.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 05:58 pm (UTC)From:And for some reason I was thinking of your other story idea, where Yuffie keeps trying to "help" until she accidentally sees them, and concedes that it isn't needed, and ending up with Tifa trying to explain, Yuffie not believing her (or reading the pamphlet and being skeptical/fascinated) and then you'd have an increased chance of ninja stalkers around the house
carrying stopwatches, trying to ascertain if Tifa was telling the truth.JD
ps-- so, is "Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion" part of a series? ;-)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:02 pm (UTC)From:Now I have an image of Yuffie constantly lurking outside their door trying to figure out if Tifa was exaggerating. ¬.¬
Do you do this to Ravyn, too? =P
Oh, and... I hadn't thought about it, but sure, it can be a series:
Materia Spear of Burning Desire
Materia Gun of Perpetual Ecstasy
How's that? ^.~
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 12:57 am (UTC)From:It's sort of a mutual infliction. You should see our Chats. They are filled with good-nature swearing. Take the "Affair" Prompt. That was COMPLETELY Her fault. But in return, I have a Collection of things that are probably partly my fault. =)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 01:02 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 01:07 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 02:02 am (UTC)From:*ahem*
Yeah, our apartment is a fun one. Full of bunnies and cats.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:54 am (UTC)From: (Anonymous)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:11 am (UTC)From:I love when Cloud says "When they do it" hahahaha! I can totally see him saying it all dead-pan. I love his conclusion that she is spoiled!
Also... Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion ... amazing title.
Thanks for sharing <3
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:26 am (UTC)From:Regarding the title: I tried to make it as silly as possible, without going extremely overboard. =D
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 11:57 am (UTC)From:The way that Tifa reacted was so funny and I could imagine Cloud's
smug face perfectly. Like the cat that got the canary...And I loved
this part:
"Cloud’s head was bowed and he was watching her from behind drowsy lids with a blatantly pleased and self-satisfied expression. He was also smiling, apparently no longer concerned with whatever had him worried before. “I think maybe your book has that aspect right, and you have it wrong.”
She blinked, then sat up to stare at him. “Cloud,” she said slowly, as if concerned he was having memory issues, “I know how long sex lasts.” Her tone made it clear that he should also know this, as it was an activity they did together. When his smile only grew she frowned. “How can you possibly think I don’t know what I’m talking about?” she asked. “The people in this book,” and she shook it at him for emphasis, “are doing it wrong.” Cloud made love to her for hours, and she was always considerably happier than the heroine from her novel when he finished.
“You, Tifa Lockhart,” he answered, reaching out to press his pointer finger to the tip of her nose teasingly, “are spoiled.”"
That made me laugh very loudly!
=3
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 06:27 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:04 pm (UTC)From:And she *is* spoiled, whether she believes it or not. ;D
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Date: 2009-05-04 01:22 pm (UTC)From:Cloud: And if you still don't believe me, please, go compare notes with Yuffie.
Tifa: *turns red*
Anyway, that was fun. I like the contrast to romance novels.
I find myself buying them to laugh most of the time.But I also liked how it wasn't just the sex that had her flabbergasted but the lack of touching on any level.Cloud's smugness is smug and amusing.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:07 pm (UTC)From:Anyway, glad it worked well enough to make you laugh! =D
I'm going to look for a new layout that advises people not to drink while visiting this LJ.no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 07:59 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:08 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:10 pm (UTC)From:It's hot that Cloud knows his capabilities, but it's not a good thing for me who still has four finals to go.
ARGH
@__@
I have lost all concentration. But thank you for the drabble, it was very amusing and much needed for a drained brain. <-- look, "drained brain." ~_~ WTF... obviously.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 08:21 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 01:44 am (UTC)From:I particularly like the fact that Cloud knows he's "gifted" and that she's spoiled. :)
And the pamphlet. Win!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 11:34 pm (UTC)From:Very glad I made you smile and waff all at once. =)
She is sooooo spoiled. Maybe I should flip it around and have her realize that for herself. (ponders who she could talk to... maybe Elena?...)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 03:41 am (UTC)From:I'm giggling madly at the idea of Yuffie shoving a bunch of romance novels on Tifa, (Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion?? Bwahahahaha!!!) and Tifa's reaction to reading this.
Awwwww, poor Cloud and his insecurities being brought up by a silly book.
I'm laughing a lot at the actual book content. "I guess that's because when he did touch her, to hold her hand, she practically had a fit of ecstasy right on the spot." Hahahahaha!!!
At least now Cloud feels like he can tease a little. ;)
"What It Means to be SOLDIER." *DIES* SPOILED!! HAHAHA!! Oh, Tifa. Let's hope she doesn't lend it to Yuffie, or little miss ninja will undoubtedly tease Cloud for the rest of her days.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 05:13 am (UTC)From:Someone... either Ariane or Vashakat, I think, posted a link to a "make your own romance novel cover". I had a bit of fun with it and Materia Blade of Unbridled Passion. Oddly, I didn't have room for all the words and had to cut out Unbridled. (sigh)
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 05:34 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 05:09 am (UTC)From:My latest is a bit weird, though. You have been warned. ^^;
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 06:18 am (UTC)From:She'd know a lil somethin' somethin' about that, wouldn't she? ;) LOL. I love how she's like "bitch, please- I'm a sexpert."
This was fun. 8D
Don'tcha wish your boyfriend has Mako like Cloud? Don'tcha... *PCD lol*
no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 06:36 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 05:09 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-05 07:37 pm (UTC)From:Tifa’s jaw dropped. “I am not!”
ahahahahahaha, love it Tae!! Best line ever. You are so so awesome. XD XDDD *gigglegigglegiggle* This is easily one of my FAVORITE drabbles you've written! This was great! XD
no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 04:59 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-07 11:52 pm (UTC)From:Cloud knows what he's capable of ;D That's so hot! rofl!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 11:32 pm (UTC)From:I'm glad you got a kick out of it. ^_^ Thank you so much for the feedback!
no subject
Date: 2009-05-08 07:19 am (UTC)From:I liked how Tifa's prudish reticence over saying sexual words was countered by Cloud- the banter was great. I was initially wary at the "borderline crack" comment, because I assumed crack to mean that everybody was out of character, and the whole fic was a parody that mocked the fandom. But this was totally not-it was just a cute, humor filled piece.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-09 12:18 am (UTC)From:Tifa is spoiled 'cause Cloud treats her better than any ol' romance novel hero (they always have to spend a lot of time being a jackass, not sure why), but she is specifically spoiled because of his insane bedroom skills. ^.~
no subject
Date: 2009-05-08 12:07 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-09 12:23 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 08:02 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-14 10:13 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-20 04:05 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2009-05-20 07:20 pm (UTC)From: